Ork quest

This article covers the Ork quest.

Chapter 1: Boyz is Bored

Zogging Gork, that 'urt!" You dig yourself out of the wreckage of your Boss Tower and see a few boyz around you doing the same -- but very few, injured and demoralised. An old Dok, Bonez, stomps his way through the rubble towards you. "Most of the boyz is dead, boss. That zogging storm got 'em. Plenty of spare bitz though." He hefts a detached Ork arm in his hand thoughtfully. "Anyhow, as the only Dok still standin', I reckon yer boyz could do with some R&R. I prescribe 'physikal exercize'. Should fix 'em up nicely!" He grins a mouthful of steel teeth at you. "RIGHT" you bellow at your boyz. "Who wants a fight?" Ragged cheers greet you from across the camp.

Stage 1

Getting your Waaagh! going again means getting into fights -- and lots of them. Thankfully, that's what Orks do best.

Stage 2

Now the boyz are back in action, we need to feed them up and recruit more. Better fungus solves both problems.

Ending

The boyz are happy and your Waaagh! is back on track. Now to find a real fight...

Chapter 2: Headz-a-Poppin

"'Ere Boss, look at this." says Dok, indicating that the two nervous boyz with him should bring their wriggling sack into your rebuilt Boss Tower. They drop it on the floor and back away rapidly. "Wossat? A big Faceeater? A mushling?" you ask, kicking the sack. "Naw, it's just Wurrrdred." Bonez answers, as an Ork lurches howling out of the sack's mouth, his eyes fizzing. A dangerous tension builds in your head as the greenskin psyker gets near. You shove him back, knocking him on his backside. "The other Weirdboyz' 'eds all popped inna storm." says Dok, "and 'e says he can feel the fing wot did it." Wurrrdred nods, and drools. "It's a Gork fing," he gibbers "I swears it. Maybe Mork. Right near too." You scowl at the cowering Ork Psyker. "Mork, my arse. Grab some boyz and go lookit what it really is." Your boot helps him out of the door.

Wurrrdred isn't quite sure where the Fing is. But if he wanders about a bit and your boyz can clear out any nearby psychic pollution, he's sure he can track it down. "/>

Ending

Nearby can be heard the sounds of Ork celebration -- cheering, gunfire and the occasional scream of a grot. Wurrrdred, however, is wandering, his Warp-addled mind restless amidst the Imperial ruins. He squats down by a seemingly-inconsequential rock, sniffs at it, then presses his hand into a crack. A great chasm opens up before him, plunging into the depths of the planet. "Erk," he mumbles to himself, dropping pebbles into it, "Wot's dis fing?"

Chapter 3: Wot's Dis Fing?

You're standing on a hilltop, watching a Mek kicking an engine the size of a Hive block. The aeons-old space hulk that brought you to this planet was grounded by the warp storm and terribly damaged. Your few remaining Meks are putting their heads together to fix it, hoping that you can get off-planet and continue your Waaagh! away from this murderous storm. Because, as Bonez said, "Even Orks can't fight da sky!" As you watch, the Mek's banging triggers something it shouldn't. The giant engine suddenly hiccups, flash-frying him and a nearby herd of Squigs.

You're gnawing on your fourth flambeed Squig when Wurrrdred and his entourage bring the good news. They've found the Gork and Mork gubbins -- sort of.

Stage 1

Wurrrdred has in fact found the entrance to an underground labyrinth, which must riddle the entire world. You'll need a base much closer, in order to both explore and defend it.

Stage 2

What the zog... You've barely built your brand new fort when a bunch of humies arrive. They don't seem happy, but you're not sure why. Never mind, fighting them will keep the boyz busy while the grotz and Meks explore the tunnels.

Ending

When the humie assault ends, you turn your attention to the labyrinth again, where a few survivors are trickling out. The snots and grots that went underground with the Meks are mostly gone -- burned or torn apart by robot horrors and traps -- but the Meks themselves have survived and emerged with ancient technology galore.

Chapter 4: Da Keyz, Da Secretz

Oddgub, the most unhinged of your Meks, is bouncing with glee. "It iz somefing Gorky or Morky, it really iz." You glare at his burnt hair squigs and the gouges torn into his armour by the tin'edz in the depths, and give him a good whack to calm him down. Later, when he comes round, he explains. "Dunno what 'alf this gubbinz is, but some bits'll make the hulk go faster than any enjinn I can make. Get us off this rok, fer sure. Just, uh..." he trails off, looking nervously at your power claw, and backs off. "We ain't got no keyz!" He's already running when you start shouting.

Your patience isn't infinite. Just gather as much as ancient junk as you can, then see if the Keyz are in there somewhere.

Ending

Oddgub is about to start rooting through the mound of ancient junk and artefacts your boyz have collected when the Weirdboy Wurrrdred runs into the room, yelling, pursued by his minders. He dives into the pile gibbering, and when they pull him out, there's a small artefact stuck in his ear -- a series of silver spikes accompanied by a pair of stippled cubes. Oddgub pulls it out and dangles it in front of you. "Da Keyz!"

Chapter 5: Red Wunz Go Fasta

The ancient engine bitz look incongruously tiny and insignificant when welded to the edge of your giant hulk, but the Meks, learning from their mistakes, are taking no risks. A lone grot is dispatched to hammer on the engines, in the hope of triggering them. As he strikes his first blow, the ancient devices tremble and inch the hulk clear of the ground. The grot's cheers are curtailed by the hulk slamming back down, atomising him in the blast wave.

Standing on a distant hilltop, you get back on your feet with a big grin on your face -- your Waaagh! isn't going to end on this mudball. Now you only have to work out how to get through the warp storm without being torn apart by daemonic horrors. Oddgub has a cunning plan though. All the Hulk needs is to be a bit faster. And what goes fastest? "Red wunz."

You don't have enough red paint by far. And most of the paint squigs died in the warp storm, so it'll be months before there are more. But the humies have probably got tons of it in their city. Failing all else, they ooze red when you hit them. Why not, uh, ask them nicely for some?

Ending

As you sit on the wreckage of an armoured vehicle, the humie city burns in the distance. One of Bonez' grot orderlies is stitching your ear back on, with understandable caution. Bonez and Oddgub are managing the collection of the red stuff from the humies. Even with a missing ear, it's pretty noisy.

Chapter 6: Bad Moon Rising

All is ready. The Meks have tested the engines, the hulk has been painted a particularly bloody shade of scarlet, and all the Orks in the Waaagh! believe it's going to work. Now you just have to move the moon-sized ship to a good launch spot for what Oddgub calls the right 'lunch tragedy' and hit the big red button. And tie Wurrrdred to the front for luck.

Bonez sidles up. "Boss, gud news. Da humies and tin'edz and da rest wanna get a lift." He dodges your fist as you roar "WATT?! ZOG 'EM ALL." He grins."'zactly. We're gonna get wun last fight. Figgered you'd like that." You drop your fist and order your grots to bring your biggest shootaz and choppas and mega armour...

Stage 1

Oddgub and the Meks say we need to move the hulk before we can take off'. The Runtherdz have the ideal thing...

Stage 2

Kill anyone who comes close. "Zog 'em all!".

Ending

Tied to the tip of the hulk, Wurrrdred is practically glowing with accumulated Waaagh! energy from the ongoing battle below. You're the last to clamber aboard, still firing, reluctant to leave any enemy still standing. You signal to Oddgub to press the Big Red Button. Throughout the vast mass of shattered ships that make up the hulk, every engine fires -- from the smallest Rogue Trader scout to kustom Orky engines to the Gorky silent liftaz. The battlefield beneath you is cleared of life in the blast, as you spiral up to the storm -- with Wurrrdred's Waaagh-charged head clearing a path through it out to the stars, twinkling with the promise of endless war.